These days, when families are designing a funeral ceremony, they are no longer constrained by the ideas of yesterday. A family can pretty much create whatever
service they feel is appropriate to their needs, circumstances and desires.
There were, and still are, many entirely legitimate criticisms of traditional funeral services: they are too expensive, too impersonal, too religiously oriented, too etc.
etc. Recently our society experimented with doing without some kind of ceremony when a death occurs. The concept of immediate disposition without ceremony
was popular from the late ‘60s through the ‘80s, and there are still people who say that that is what they want to happen when they die.
However, it has been found that the survivors often feel that something is missing. They have no sense of closure in their relationship with the person who died. It
seems that doing away with any type of ceremony when a death occurs ignores the very real needs that we all have as human beings. We need to acknowledge the
fact that a death has occurred, that life will be different from now on, and that adjustments may need to be made in our relationships with relatives and friends.
As a result we are beginning to see funeral and memorial services that meet the needs of the survivors but are definitely "nontraditional". The major change is more
personal involvement by the surviving family members and friends.
People bring in easel boards covered with pictures of the deceased and his/her family at various stages of their lives. Grandsons and granddaughters are playing
musical instruments, singing, and delivering eulogies at services. Golf clubs, quilts, woodworking tools, and other symbols of the life activities of the deceased are
displayed at the service. At Evergreen-Washelli we have displayed a beloved motorcycle in our chapel, and we set up bales of hay and riding tack to celebrate the
life of another person who was fond of horses. Grandmother’s favorite cookies may be served after the service. The officiant (a fancy word for Master of
Ceremonies) or co-officiant may be a friend rather than clergy.
In the past the people arranging the funeral service went to the funeral director with the question, "What should we do?" These days the funeral director is more and
more often hearing, "This is what we wish to do!" A good funeral director will welcome this statement, because it means that the funeral service will be meaningful
to the surviving family. If your funeral director or funeral home are not flexible enough to meet your reasonable needs, it is your right to find another who will help you
do what you want to do to celebrate the life of the person you loved.
